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pride
Posted on 2004.16.03 at 19:04
Soundtrack: Phil Ochs - Draft Dodger Rag
Sent to me by a friend without a LJ. I love it:

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to:
"Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."



Any religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment to codify marriage based on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron
11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin.
If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen
24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any state, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut
25:5-10)



Also there are a few other issues I'd like to see our government address:

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

Comments:


Gwen
ladyguenivere at 2004-03-16 16:22 (UTC) ()
*grin* good one! :D
Sarah
ordencodex at 2004-03-16 16:56 (UTC) ()
*dead* There are NO WORDS.
Dave
stormwynd at 2004-03-16 16:59 (UTC) ()
*spits decaf coffee all over keyboard*

Hee.
Emma Grant
emmagrant01 at 2004-03-16 17:15 (UTC) ()
*spews Stella Artois*

I love you.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2004-03-16 18:48 (UTC) ()
I love your Ewan icon.
closet_geek at 2004-03-16 22:17 (UTC) ()
*amused* Something to chew on. (Unless, of course, it's shellfish. Then it's an abomination.)

I do love your posts on this subject.
Penguin
pingviini at 2004-03-17 01:54 (UTC) ()
:D
peacey at 2004-03-17 03:11 (UTC) ()

Correction

In response to:

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen
24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

Might I add:

"For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife" (1 Corinthians 12:14)

The New Testament has much to say on the subject of marriage too.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2004-03-17 04:28 (UTC) ()

Re: Correction

Such a contradiction would pose a problem for the literalist Bible interpreters, I suppose.


And Awww, is that your baby nephew? Sooo cute!
peacey at 2004-03-17 04:53 (UTC) ()

Re: Correction

Yep, that's my sweetie and I just luuuurv him.
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