try to catch the deluge in a paper cup (primroseburrows) wrote,
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows

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Melancholiness over being old, stay away if you don't wanna be depressed and bored

It's very quiet now that diamond_dust06, bookshop, dancingrain and my patchfire have gone. Quiet is good, but it's, as they say, a little too quiet.

The New York IMAX trip was lovely, despite the tension that often is fandom, and the Being Pickpocketed. On the big, big IMAX screen, I could see that Harry has peachfuzz; I'm all a-squee over it. As far as New York goes, in general, I like Boston far, far better. NY is cold and commercial, IMO, while Boston is a big ol' hometown.


Saturday was also my birthday. Gods, I'm forty-three. It's a scary thing. I've been thinking a lot about aging, and while my life is by no means over, I realise that it could very well be that I've lived half my life (my family doesn't usually make it much past eightyish). I'd like to say that life begins at forty, but I don't really believe that. I feel old, recently. To be truthful, it's not just recently. I've been thinking along these lines for a couple of years, now.

Tonight I'm going to mr_t00by's eighth-grade graduation. He's been in the same school since he was five years old, in September of 1994. Now he's moving on, and we're not sure where. He's my youngest.

dmbgrl1026 is my oldest. She'll be 22 on October of this year. It's going by too, too fast. I'm not sure whether the day she was born feels like last week or a century ago. I do know that I'm feeling my age and I don't like it. I look at my hands and I see the dry crepe-y skin that's replaced the smoothness of youth. There are bags under my eyes, lines around my mouth that pull it into a fixed frown that make people think I'm perpetually angry. I have aches and pains in the mornings. I hate it.

I've had so many goals and dreams for my life that haven't manifested, and I honestly can't say that I have any new ones that are remotely realistic. I guess what I need to do is reexamine and reevaluate. I've achieved things, don't get me wrong; I'm actually a registered Nurse, and I know I should be proud of that, but I usually think eh, it's not really what I would have chosen if I could've done it over.

I've been thinking seriously about moving away from here entirely. (Read: England. out of the country. But really, how long do I have to start over? I've started so late, and all.

So, bleh, I'm melancholy and I guess this is a wanky post. I should block comments, but I guess I'm craving a little sympathy. *sigh*

I'm probably just not used to the quiet after all the days of lovely noise.

*hugs bookshop, diamond_dust06, patchfire, and especially dmgrl026 and mr_t00by was our saviour this weekend. If it wasn't for her, all would be lost and bookshop and I would still be sitting at the airport. Everyone friend her, and adore.
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