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DT: come reap
Posted on 2004.13.09 at 12:09
Soundtrack: Natalie MacMaster and Cookie Rankin - The Drunken Piper
Oh, The Writer's Path is so much fun! It's all exercises, and good ones, so far.

I went to Dunkin Donuts this morning and did one over coffee. Very cool, and the end result was not what I expected. Here's the exercise and what came from it, cut for length and those of you who don't want to read about it:




1. Write five lines about whatever pops into your head. Write quickly, without editing. These need not be complete sentences or thoughts; single words and sentence fragments are fine.

1. Sitting at a bar
2. The frog-thing charged
3. "Open the door, ye fool!"
4. Strange the way the world turns
5. I'm buying me a parakeet.



2. Using some of the words from the first five lines, in any order, and adding a few new words if you need them, craft three new lines, leaving a blank line after each line

The frog-thing charged the door

at a bar where a parakeet was sitting

Strange the way the world turns (I liked this line, so decided to keep it)


3. On the lines you've left blank, write new second, fourth and sixth lines that go with the existing lines.

The frog-thing charged the door,
Reducing it to splinters
at a bar where a parakeet was sitting:
The dance was about to begin.
Strange the way the world turns,
like a soft mirror-ball reflecting time


4. Quickly cross out two words in eash line. DOn't worry about making the wrong choices.

The frog-thing charged the door,
reducing it to splinters
at a bar where a parakeet was sitting;
The dance was about to begin.
Strange the way the world turns,
like a soft mirror-ball reflecting time


5. Rework these lines so they sound pleasing to you. Be sure you end up with six lines of any length

"Strange the way the
world turns," thought the frog-thing.
"Like a dance beginning, reflecting splinters
in the door of
time."


6. Cross out four entire lines.

"Strange the way the
world turns," thought the frog-thing.
"Like a dance beginning, reflecting splinters
in the door of
time."


7. Rewrite the two remaining lines so they sound pleasing to you, and leave a blank line between them.

"Strange the way the world turns,"

thought the frog-thing."


8. Write a new second line that fits with the existing line

"Strange the way the world turns--
beginning, ending, beginning, ending,"
thought the frog-thing.


9. Cross out all but a toltal of five words.

"Strange the way the world turns"
beginning, ending, beginning, ending,"
thought the frog-thing


10. Instinctively and quickly choose one word

World

11. Write this one word at the top of a new page. This is the title for a short poem ofr biurst of prose. Quickly write the piece.

I wrote this, then later edited it and changed it a bit.

Here's the original:

World


A big blue marble, they
call it (whoever 'they' be). A
giant ball spinning in space

There's more to it when you get closer, I know that.

You can't stay here forever.

Sometimes, though, when the
noise gets too loud, the laughter too raucous, the tears
too piteous, I like to come out here

and watch the ball spin.


The Revamp:

World


A blue marble, someone called it.
A giant ball spinning in a vacuum.

There's more to it, o'course,
when you get closer. You can't
stay out here forever. I know it.

Sometimes the noise gets too loud.
Sometimes the laughter's too crazy, and
the tears are too piteous.
Sometimes
the drone of the Machines drowns out all that other stuff and
fills my head with sound and hammer-dreams and then the
screaming starts and I think I'm likely to
explode from it.

Those times. It's those times I come out here
and watch the ball
spin.

Comments:


zeus55
zeus55 at 2004-09-13 16:55 (UTC) ()

Impressive

From my ex-English teacher vantage point, I say, "Nice work!" Poems are so hard to bang into shape, given the economy of words demanded by the form. You've succeeded in conveying your point here, and making it clear to your reader.

Good work, Sis.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2004-09-13 19:22 (UTC) ()

Re: Impressive

See, now I want to know who this person is, and who the Machines are, and how he/she gets outside of whatever world he/she's outside of. And I really wish I'd been able to keep the frog-thing in.


robinhoo at 2004-09-13 17:53 (UTC) ()
Okay, that was a very groovesome exercise. I enjoyed reading yours so much that I tried it myself and, like you, surprised myself totally. Is this from a book? It's really hard to make "quick" and "instinctive" decisions about stuff I wrote!

Thanks for the challenge; that was fun.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2004-09-13 19:21 (UTC) ()
The whole point is not to judge yourself. I did a bit of editing, but v. little. I've finally gotten myself convinced that yeah, I might just be able to write, using my own characters. I could be talking straight out of my arse, but so far it's fun.

It's from The Writer's Path, the link's in my post. *dances*
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