December 12th, 2009

dS: frasersadness

whoever said life is fair was lying. the same goes for lightning never striking twice.

This afternoon I found Natalie on the bathroom floor. I don't know if she was having a seizure or a heart attack or what, but one thing she wasn't doing was breathing. I'm pretty sure she wasn't choking on anything because I swept her mouth and didn't find anything, and she didn't even gag. I rushed her out the door and into the car, but she was gone before we reached the emergency vet. I think she was gone before I got her out the door.

This wasn't the sad but somehow peaceful scene like what happened with Stormy--this was sudden and unexpected and there was no time to say goodbye. Up to then Nat had been fine-- eating and sleeping and meowing and being herself. She may have been a tiny bit quieter today, but I'm just guessing, who knows? The vet at the emergency place said they couldn't tell what happened, but it could have been anything from a seizure to heart failure. It was over in seconds, and I have no idea how or why and I probably never will. I could have asked for an autopsy, but what would be the point? I keep feeling guilty even though I know I'm being stupid because she was loved and fed and petted and cared for.

And now I've lost two cats in less than a week. WTF, God?

I can't remember a time when there wasn't a cat in my life.