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...and when my lack of education hasn't hurt me none, I can read the writing on the wall

Posted on 2005.27.01 at 19:55
How I feel about it all: pissed offrantrantrant
Soundtrack: Paul Simon - Kodachrome
Rant the first: Starbucks.

For chickadilly:


Starbucks. I hate it. I know, I know, you're thinking, oh, there she goes with her whole bleeding heart treehugging liberal Give Peace A Chance politics again, talking about how it's not Organic and oh, teh hormones in teh cream and that they're TAKING OVER TEH WORLD. But no. It's not just that I hate that they're the Wal-Mart of Coffee (actually, they're more like the love child of the $harper Image of Coffee and the Wal-Mart of Coffee), it's also the fact that people troop like lemmings over to their local Starbucks franchise and schlurp up lattes and cappuccinos and caramel macchiatos despite the fact that THEIR COFFEE SUCKS!

Now, I'm not a coffemaking expert--I don't even make my own coffee. But. Starbucks coffee tastes like someone made strong coffee and then went to the loo and while he was gone and said, "oh, I'll make the coffee!" and then added MORE ground coffee to the already too-strong mix in the filter. It tastes like coffee made by a crazed coffee-obsessed lunatic. And then of course, they cater to the Yuppies who think they're Hippies, providing Sugar in the Raw (which is almost as refined as white sugar) so that all the lawyers and accountants can sit around and pretend that they're Gandhi while they inhale hits of pure liquid caffeine that tastes like...well, it tastes like Starbucks coffee, which tastes worse than something I'd scrape off my shoes. Bleh.

Give me Dunkin Donuts anyday, despite the fact that they've corrupted the spelling of "doughnut" (as patchfire so astutely pointed out), and they are forced to ask me if I would like to Try A Latte, and do so in such a sullen voice that I wouldn't Try one if Lattes were the last liquid on earth. They're still better than Starbucks, because their coffee is actually drinkable.


ETA: c'mon, guys. Gimme a rant!</i>

Comments:


robinhoo at 2005-01-28 01:28 (UTC) ()
First, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Second, I quote: "It tastes like coffee made by a crazed coffee-obsessed lunatic." But... but... but that's why I like it! /whine Oh, God, the caffeine rush that comes with that coffee-overkill! It's like the mattress-store commercial where the guy actually chews up the coffee in the can....

Please rant about friends you love who persist in smoking too many clove cigarettes even though they're intelligent women of child-bearing age who know better. I need some guilt in my world. :)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 01:30 (UTC) ()
I'd have to rant about myself. Although my clovage is such that I have to throw the pack away eventually because the THREE I SMOKE A YEAR doesn't cut it, stale-wise. *G*
crikkita at 2005-01-28 01:35 (UTC) ()
Yay! I hate Skcubrats! It's part of my Evil Triumvirate. (Wal-Mart is one of the others, incidentally.) And yes, part of my great annoyance, too, is that the coffee is SO BAD. What's worse, they're often just down the block from an independent cafe that has really good coffee and knows how to brew it properly and doesn't freaking overcharge for it and has comfortable seating and baked-goods that don't taste like glorified cardboard. And then they have the gall to claim that only their coffee is roasted thoroughly enough, when in fact it's BURNT. Gaaah, Starbucks sucks! Thank you.
Titti
titti at 2005-01-28 01:41 (UTC) ()
I've hated this all rant meme, but damn, you're so right. Their coffee is the worse thing EVER. Their toasting process is horrible, and the coffee grounds are burned before they even make the coffee. Their latte is the shorter name for caffelatte, which mean one espresso and lots of milk. Italian mothers have been giving it to their kids for ages, and you can get the bad version for $3.75 at Starbucks.
drama queen
cirakaite at 2005-01-28 02:09 (UTC) ()
While I'd never say that Starbucks is the be-all and end-all, considering that I live on the West Coast, right near all the real Seattle/Vancouver coffee shops for the born coffee yuppy . . . I do actually like the coffee they do. Over-commercialised, yes- but it's good coffee. Not the best, but good. Which I'll freely admit is a matter of personal preference ;)

What Starbucks has to recommend it to me specifically is that you can walk into any Starbucks worldwide, and you know you'll get good coffee (assuming you like it in the first place) and excellent customer service. Whereas in a lot of places I've been, including the UK, finding good coffee is a matter of luck- and sometimes I just don't have the patience to find a good coffee shop if I'm just in the area for a few days.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 02:25 (UTC) ()
Maybe it's because I hate strong coffee. 'Cause I really hate the taste. Walk into any Starbucks worldwids, and I won't like it. *sigh*
drama queen
cirakaite at 2005-01-28 02:29 (UTC) ()
That, I can understand. Since I have an equal aversion to Dunkin' Donuts/Tim Hortons/MacDonalds generic coffees- too weak for my taste.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 03:17 (UTC) ()
I don't like Tim Horton's or McDonald's either. Just Dunkin's.
Tara
taradiane at 2005-01-28 02:55 (UTC) ()
I agree that their coffee is disgusting - but damn they make a mean chai. Mmmmm iced chai latte (blended, please)...
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 03:27 (UTC) ()
Hmm. *makes note*
the day you left was just my beginning
patchfire at 2005-01-28 03:59 (UTC) ()
You know what's really bad?

They have tip jars at the counter. They want tips on the overpriced coffee.

I hate tip jars.
robinhoo at 2005-01-28 04:43 (UTC) ()
Do they have tip jars now, at just-Starbucks? I used to work for Barnes & Noble, and our cafe/Starbucks people weren't allowed to have tip jars. I hate tip jars. They're enough to make me never patronize a coffee shop again. Hello, you're doing your job. I don't get tips for teaching graduate students a really specialized subject that I had to study really hard to teach and prepare a lot for; why should you get a tip for dumping some fucking coffee in a cup? I can do that at home. I can even make capuccino and lattes at home, thanks.
peacey at 2005-01-30 13:16 (UTC) ()
Lets cut the Starbucks kids some slack. They're probably high school or college kids making around minimum wage and could use the dough. We've all held jobs like that and I promise you that most of us never walked into them dreaming about making them our careers. If they're doing their job and not slacking off, I have no problem popping a buck in a tip jar.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-30 15:18 (UTC) ()
I don't mind tip jars. The wages these guys are paid almost couldn't buy one of the Lattes they have to ask me to Try. My niece works at Dunkin' Donuts, and she splits the tips with everyone on her shift. It's not a lot after that.
Latter-day Jezebel
nmalfoy at 2005-01-28 05:59 (UTC) ()
I was just talking to lagreyeyes the other night about how I didn't like Starbucks coffee cause it's so bitter. I think people pretend to like it because it's trendy. I don't know. I do know that the convenience store near my house has very good coffee.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 12:53 (UTC) ()
I like Dunkin Donuts. It, like Starbucks, always tastes the same, but, unlike Starbucks, won't destroy my taste buds and send me off into the Land of Tachycardia.
I am the man that makes the bhaji go away
malachan at 2005-01-28 11:39 (UTC) ()
I find Starbucks coffee too *weak*! Tastes like someone got proper coffee then watered it down. Gimme good old French coffee that blows your ears off any day. :D
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-01-28 12:51 (UTC) ()
Eep. I think I would implode, or something.
Isaac
mr_t00by at 2005-01-30 16:04 (UTC) ()

Well.....

Sorry, ma, but I think it's just you... I the taste of Starbucks coffee....But the whole Wal-Mart factor nudges me into drinking Dunkin anyway, so meh.
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