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DT: come reap

If dogs don't go to Heaven, I want to go where they do when I die

Posted on 2005.02.02 at 00:22
How I feel about it all: crushedcrushed
I had to have my dog Roz put to sleep today. I sort of knew it was coming, but not this soon. The kids and I are all heartbroken, but she was getting sicker and more aggressive and at the end, I was scared of her. Apparently she'd had a brain tumour for quite some time, which caused the behaviour change.

She was almost eight, a black terrier mix, and when she was well she was the best dog (and the best friend) that anyone could ever ask for. The vet said she would have done the same for her dog (in fact, she had for one of her own dogs) and that I made right decision. The fact that it was I who made the decision still leaves me with a feeling of guilt, though, that my decision is the reason she's gone. But really, it's not. The tumour is the reason, and nobody caused that.

I'm trying not to think of her in the sad, scared, scary way she's been these past weeks, but rather at play in some vast field or running on the beach (she loved the water!). I like to think she's happy where she's gone.

She was our first dog. She won't be my last, probably, but it will be a while before I can devote time and energy to a dog again.

Roz was one of the best there is. She loved us and I think she knew we loved her. We're really, really going to miss her.

patchfire, I tried to call you to tell you, but I couldn't reach you and didn't just want to leave a message. *hugs*

Comments:


Chauni
chauni at 2005-02-02 02:45 (UTC) ()
::hugs tightly:: I'm so sorry, honey. There's almost nothing worse than having to make that decision, but you were right in what was done. My heart goes out to you.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 04:07 (UTC) ()
Thanks. I have to think she's in a good place. I'm not much with organised religion (Unitarian Universalist who hasn't been to church in months), but dogs, man. They have a special place in the grand scheme. They have to.
Way2
way2 at 2005-02-02 03:40 (UTC) ()
I'm so sorry. Many hugs to you.

The tumour is the reason, and nobody caused that.
That is the truth of it.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 04:08 (UTC) ()
Yeah, I know. *hugs back*

The house is still empty-feeling, though.
The Moonlight Sonata
moonlight69 at 2005-02-02 04:14 (UTC) ()
Oh, hon. I'm so sorry. I know how hard it is to let them go, but sometimes you just know it's the best thing. And if she was so changed by the tumour, she'd probably have wanted it this way--she wouldn't want you to be scared of her, I'm sure. *hugs* Try not to feel guilty about it, you did right.

Love you. I'm here if you need me.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 16:18 (UTC) ()
I'm feeling better about it today. It's still very lonely, though.
Learning Curve
dragon_charmer at 2005-02-02 04:18 (UTC) ()
*Clings*

I had to have both my cats put down and it is a horrible thing to have to do.

*hugs some more*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 11:12 (UTC) ()
The more I think about it, the more I realise that it needed to be done. She was so miserable and afraid, and probably in pain. I still miss her, but I feel I really did the best thing for her. No animal deserves to suffer. *sigh*

Learning Curve
dragon_charmer at 2005-02-02 15:58 (UTC) ()
Of course you miss her, but I'm sure you did the right thing. I had a friend who kept her dog going to the bitter end - it was in pain and distressed but she wouldn't do anything about it.

I think we know when it is right to do thing like this.

It will take time to get over your loss, so don't feel you have to suddenly forget about her or not be upset.

*hugs*
peacey at 2005-02-02 04:51 (UTC) ()
I'm sure you've read this before, but as it is so comforting, I'll just remind you...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.

(Author unknown)

My thoughts are with you, sweets. A pet is as much a part of the family as anyone else is. Indeed they are very special creatures that I have no doubt have a place in the hereafter. *tighthugs*

try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 10:16 (UTC) ()
I have read that, but not in a while. *loves*

If I can't have my old friends with me when I go, I'm not going. *watery smile*

Not cool enough to have a witty name here.
jessindistress at 2005-02-02 07:01 (UTC) ()
*huge hugs*

I'm keeping you guys in my thoughts- losing a pet is an awful thing to go through, hon. :(

~Jess
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 10:22 (UTC) ()
I've been paying a lot of attention to my cat today. *points to icon* He likes it, I think. :)

How are you, mom? *G*
february_sea at 2005-02-02 08:26 (UTC) ()
Oh, honey, I'm so very sorry. There's nothing more difficult than that decision, but I know you made the right one. She counted on you for everything, including knowing when going on was just too much for her.

Dig out some old pictures to help those happy, running, playing in the water memories stay firmly in the front of your mind--that's who she really was.

*hugs you*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 10:16 (UTC) ()
She was amazing. The best.
Not here anymore.
dorrie6 at 2005-02-02 08:34 (UTC) ()
I'm so so sorry. What an awful decision to have to make! I've been there myself. I've sometimes wondered why we have pets, when it is so painful to lose them. And then I look at mine, and I know it is all worthwhile.

*hugs*

You're in my thoughts today.

try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 10:18 (UTC) ()
Oh, I'd do it again, no question.

*sigh* It's so quiet here this morning.
The Foo Queen
erebor at 2005-02-02 09:30 (UTC) ()
I'm so terribly sorry, my dear.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 10:20 (UTC) ()
Thanks. *hugs* I'm working today, so I'll be busy. Not to mention the whole money thing.
Junesrose
junesrose at 2005-02-02 12:19 (UTC) ()
Sorry to hear about you're beloved! It's a sad thing, but it sounds like you made the right decison. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I'm sure she'll still be watching out for you, when you need her the most.

*hugs*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 16:20 (UTC) ()
A friend said yesterday that she'll be back in some way, that pets don't ever really leave. She said one day I'll feel a wet nose on my leg as if she were there, and she will be. The spirits of animals are amazing things.
I like that show where they solve all the murd3rs
cedarlibrarian at 2005-02-02 13:15 (UTC) ()
*hugs* I'm so sorry.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 16:22 (UTC) ()
Me too. *hugs back*

I love your flower!icon.
Magpie
sistermagpie at 2005-02-02 13:52 (UTC) ()
Oh no. I'm so sorry. And I know you still hate to have done it, but I do think you made exactly the right decision.

I remember when I was a kid a friend of mine had a dog in a similar situation with a brain tumor--the change in personality is awful. I believe Roz would have agreed, actually. She would not have wanted to be scary, especially to you. Still it's an awful thing to have to do.
:-(
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-02 16:22 (UTC) ()
Yeah. It might change, but right now I can almost feel her approval. How awful it must have been for her to be even afraid of me. She must have hated it. And she might very well have been in pain, which would make herr feel worse and more scared.
Really Sunny
willysunny at 2005-02-02 16:57 (UTC) ()
Ohgod, Sweetie, I am so, so sorry. *hugs you tight*

This happened to our family a couple of times and it is just so hard. Please know, if you ever want to talk, I'm here.

I would love to see some puppy picspam of her whenever you're ready. She sounds like she was a playful, happy, wonderful friend.

Love you. *heart*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-03 02:36 (UTC) ()
I have pictures of her on my old computer, but not this one as of yet. I'll try to get Mary to send me some; I'm sure she has a few. She was a real cutie!

*hugs*
robinhoo at 2005-02-02 19:57 (UTC) ()
Massive hugs and empathy, Kel. I know how it feels to lose a dog that is just so very much a part of you. It's exactly like losing a family member. I think you're doing well to be focusing on happy memories and mental pictures of Roz, because that's how the majority of her life was spent.

And, speaking as an OT scholar, I do believe animals go to heaven. The Hebrew Bible suggests that all of Creation is precious to the Creator, and I have yet to find evidence that we humans get some kind of special consideration over and above our fellow created beings. Don't worry, you'll see Roz again. And until you do, she's waiting patiently for you. *more hugs*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2005-02-03 02:38 (UTC) ()
My sister had a friendly, lovely Golden who I'd like to think is waiting with Roz. They were buddies in life.
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