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dS: frasersadness

I've sat upon the setting sun, but never never, never never, I've never wanted water once

Posted on 2007.25.05 at 14:19
where am I: hot, sticky RI
How I feel about it all: contemplativemeta
Soundtrack: Cat Stevens - The Wind
Tags: , , ,
Wow. This took longer than I thought. A lot of stream-of-consciousness, and woah, it really does help me as far as writing goes. Some of this stuff I didn't know before I started.



For scriggle:

Benton Fraser...

...thought he was Inuit, when he was very young. He had Inuit friends, played Inuit games, wore Inuit clothing, ate and drank and slept Inuit culture. Inuktitut and English are equally milk languages for Fraser and as a young boy he only spoke English at home.

...was entirely homeschooled except for grades four and five, when he lived in an area long enough to attend the local primary school. His experience there was less than stellar, to say the very least, and definitely doesn't need exploring at this juncture.

...has a completely irrational attitude about his hat. He's well aware that wearing it without the rest of the uniform is inappropriate (and even worse, against regulations), but wearing it makes him feel more secure. If it weren't for the fact that Ray would never let him live it down, he'd probably wear it to black-tie events.

...did not have a dull, boring, childhood filled with nothing but books. He had friends, played hockey, and even watched television occasionally, although his grandparents didn't own one and he never liked it much. Cliché as it may sound for someone raised by librarians, he really does prefer books to other forms of media.

...likes his name; that is, he likes "Benton" as opposed to benign diminutives such as "Ben". He does allow himself a certain fondness for Ray Vecchio's use of "Benny"; however he thinks of it as a term of endearment rather than an actual name.

...has no official middle name. If pressed for one, he'll tell you about the name he was given by a Tsimshian Elder, but he won't tell you what it is. Ray doesn't even know.

...was once offered the opportunity to become a professional storyteller. He declined, because to Fraser the very idea of being paid for such a thing bordered on the absurd, if not the sacrilegious.

...watches Diefenbaker move into middle age with grace and surprisingly few complaints, and attempts to do the same. He's also very aware that someday his friend will be old, infirm, and quite possibly in pain. He hopes he has the strength to honour Dief's request to him if and when it should come to pass.

...is a true bisexual, an exact three on the Kinsey scale. It's never been an issue, and he rarely gives it a conscious thought.

...doesn't drink more than the occasional (once or twice a year) glass of wine because he hates the idea of losing control in such a manner.

...never wanted to be a Mountie until after his mother died and he went to live with his grandparents.

...was never in love with Ray Vecchio. How could one possibly fall in love with one's brother?

...had actual feelings for Denny Scarpa; however, his experiences with Victoria had taught him an important lesson. He was suspicious enough of Denny to have her investigated, and subsequently found that she was dirty. If he hadn't, he might have let himself get closer to her emotionally. He was pretty pissed at her for using him the way she did. And no, he wouldn't have let her fall off the building, but the two-handed switch thing made him feel damn good, because it was for her and for Victoria.

...knew he'd never been in love with Victoria the day he admitted to himself that he was in love with Ray Kowalski. After that, he wondered how he could have mistaken guilty obsession for anything remotely resembling love.

...thinks about Meg Thatcher often, and now that enough time has passed, fondly. He hopes she is as content with her life as he is with his own.

...never thought for a second that Ray wouldn't be able to adapt to living in the Arctic. He thinks Ray can do anything he wants to do once he puts his mind to it. He's unspeakably glad that what Ray wants to do is be with him.

...lies all the time. He just doesn't call it that, is all, even to himself.

...thinks his mother said more in one silent touch than his father did in two years of haunting, or thirty-some years of parenting. He misses them both, every single day.

...has a copy of this poem framed and hung on a wall next to his front door so he can be sure to see it every morning when he leaves for work. He's enough of a heretic to think that these commandments make more sense than do the ones in the Bible. He's reasonably sure that most, if not all of them are also far more difficult to achieve:


People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win friends, some false and some true.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend your life building, someone destroys overnight.
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give the world your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.



Seriously, I had to stop myself. Oh, the sheer meta of it all.

Comments:


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scriggle
scriggle at 2007-05-25 18:54 (UTC) ()
You wrote a thesis on Fraser. ♥
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-25 18:59 (UTC) ()
Or something. :)

I was going to write about Ray and Fraser at the same time, but I just kept going on and on about Fraser and decided to give Ray equal time later.
Smelly
topaz7 at 2007-05-25 19:04 (UTC) ()
Well done! Me likey. It brings him to life.

sorry for complete lack of concrit. Brain is stuck on this one thought:

Paul is pretty.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-25 19:11 (UTC) ()
Well done! Me likey. It brings him to life.

I'm suddenly hearing Evanescence in my head now. Yay?

Paul is pretty.

Ya think?
Band2-Mathematiker
missapocalyptic at 2007-05-25 19:12 (UTC) ()
Good stuff.

...likes his name; that is, he likes "Benton" as opposed to benign diminutives such as "Ben". He does allow himself a certain fondness for Ray Vecchio's use of "Benny"; however he thinks of it as a term of endearment rather than an actual name.

See, in fic RayK often starts calling him "Ben" when they become lovers. It's not as if this were a complete pet peeve of mine, it doesn't make the story less pleasurable for me, I just don't agree with that notion very much. Maybe that's a completely personal thing, but names have a certain sound for me (I'm sure that's true for everyone, but it's not the same sound for all of us). And for me, Fraser is not a "Ben". He just isn't. And so I like it when Ray either keeps calling him "Fraser" (because, yes, IMHO last names can be as familiar and gentle as first or nicknames), or starts calling him "Benton", because for me that's what he is.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-26 00:59 (UTC) ()
I think that Fraser doesn't hate being called "Ben", so he doesn't correct people who do it. The people who care about him seem to call him "Benton": his father, for one. I think Quinn does, and Frobisher. I don't remember what Eric calls him, I'll have to go back and rewatch that episode (which I've been thinking about doing for a while now, actually).

The people who don't care about him, or don't know him well (Victoria, for one), call him "Ben". So my theory actually holds water. *g*

One of my favourite fics is Denise Raymond's All the Comforts of Home. I've always liked that Ray calls Fraser "Benton" here, and then I find out in the prequel that he does it because Fraser explicitly told him to. *loves*

I also like to think that Ray likes Ray calling him "Benny" because it's what his mother used to call him, although Fraser doesn't really remember it consciously. :)

And yeah, last names can definitely be as endearing and gentle as first names. X-Files fans can attest to that.
Cats. Not to be trusted.
catwalksalone at 2007-05-25 22:52 (UTC) ()
I really like these - they seem to completely belong to Fraser. (Only I'm not sure about the Vecchio thing, ho hum).

*hugs you for understanding him so well*
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-26 01:00 (UTC) ()
Only I'm not sure about the Vecchio thing, ho hum

See above comment for my rationalisation reason. :)
blowjobs for jesus
kristiinthedark at 2007-05-26 01:32 (UTC) ()
Oh, I love this! I'm always interested in what other people think motivates Fraser, and I love your reasoning here. Great meta!

(and I have a special fondness for what you said about the hat. ♥)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-26 05:53 (UTC) ()
Fraser doesn't think the hat is Sacred. He does think it's Essential, however. :)
It was the best of times,it was the worst of times
mickeymvt at 2007-05-26 04:12 (UTC) ()
Damn woman. This IS Benton Fraser's life in a nutshell. You could write a book from these alone.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-26 05:52 (UTC) ()
He's my Fake!twin brother. Geoffrey Tennant is my favourite character in the world as far as characterizations go, but I don't know if I could love (or understand) any character more than I do Fraser.

But yeah. Thanks, lovey. *g*
A hilarium of fangirls and boys
j_s_cavalcante at 2007-05-26 09:00 (UTC) ()
Fascinating thoughts! Thank you for sharing them! I love the poem. It's Fraser in a nutshell.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 09:47 (UTC) ()
It's me in a nutshell, too. Not that I can actually do most of those things, but I really, really want to. I did think of Fraser first, though, so he gets possession. *g*
Doug
eltonroo at 2007-05-26 15:12 (UTC) ()
Jann Arden does a wonderful version of Peace Train, especially in concert. The Cat was a little strange but he sure wrote some good tunes.
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the Jays have been crawling out of the basement and it won't be long till we are chasing the Bosox down for the American League East pennant, despite the fact that our best pitcher has been on the sidelines.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 09:46 (UTC) ()
I love Cat Stevens. I need to get his latest album. I don't know if he was strange or not. Hmm.

I'm glad the Jays are doing better. They definitely aren't on my list of teams to loathe. Actually, there's only one on that particular list. Um. :)
little-b
buzzylittleb at 2007-05-26 15:58 (UTC) ()
has no official middle name. If pressed for one, he'll tell you about the name he was given by a Tsimshian Elder, but he won't tell you what it is. Ray doesn't even know.

Now, that is so very fraser :-)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 15:59 (UTC) ()
When I was writing this, I was all ready to say that he had a name given to him by an Inuit elder (or the Inuit equivalent, not sure what the actual title is), but Fraser-in-my-head insisted very emphatically that it was a Tsimshian Elder.
sam80853
sam80853 at 2007-05-26 16:44 (UTC) ()
Very good reasoning, I love it. FRASER!!!

The name thing is kin of odd. I can deal with RayK calling him "Ben" but I can also can understand when he just calls him "Fraser" or "Benton". Somehow I came to think that maybe Fraser would like Ray to rather not call him "Ben" because that's what Victoria did and we all know how that relationship turned out.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 15:57 (UTC) ()
I can't wrap my head around Fraser being "Ben", anyway. It's way too ordinary for him. It doesn't bother me when I see it in fics, though. Everyone has their own personal canon, after all. *g*
(Deleted comment)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 16:02 (UTC) ()
I figure if Fraser has to wear his hat to take a bath, there's some kind of psychological attachment to the thing.

I should do a Vecchio meta (I probably will, now that it's in my brain). Fraser wasn't in love with Vecchio, but Ray V. certainly had a crush on Fraser. Which isn't the same thing as being in love, necessarily. *g*
Aingeal
aingeal8c at 2007-05-27 17:40 (UTC) ()
Interesting. Though I have to disagree with was never in love with Ray Vecchio. How could one possibly fall in love with one's brother? as I don't read them as brothers. But if I did I'd write them as incest slash ;-)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-27 18:33 (UTC) ()
I don't always read them as brothers, either (like I said in another comment, I read F/V and I've even written it). In my little view of pseudocanon, Fraser thinks of them as brothers. Ray, OTOH, has the world's biggest crush on Fraser. And who can blame him?

But if I did I'd write them as incest slash ;-)

Oooh, write it! I'll beta. :)
keerawa
keerawa at 2007-05-28 09:25 (UTC) ()
I am truly delighted by: "lies all the time. He just doesn't call it that, is all, even to himself."
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-05-28 17:01 (UTC) ()
Fraser would implode from sheer guilt if he ever realized he lies as much as he does. He has to rationalise for his own mental health, even if he doesn't realise he's doing it.
charashi at 2007-05-28 15:58 (UTC) ()
I totally agree with like... 99% of this. And all of it is very, very insightful and interesting (I do love the thing about his lying because, yeah, seriously!). Excellent work :D I should do this at some point for the characters I write.

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the name issue. I can see the argument for his preferring 'Benton,' but I actually always saw him as preferring 'Ben,' if someone must call him by his first name. Two reasons on this: first, 'Benton' is the name of the older generation -- it's the name his father calls him, and Buck, and Quinn... does Gerard? I can't remember. I think so. And in my head I see him as wanting to see the sphere of that world and the sphere of his new life as different -- plus, most of the younger generation (RayV, Mark, Victoria) calls him Ben.

The other reason is Flashback, and I know, I know everything there has to be taken with a grain of salt! *g* but a lot of Flashback is 'what Fraser would say if he didn't have all those silly inhibitions,' and he does say that Benton is a ridiculous name! Which it kind of is.

In fic, though, I'm always thrown when RayK calls him Ben or Benton. Because, like... he's Fraser for Ray. Somehow I don't really see that changing even if they become lovers.
Aingeal
aingeal8c at 2007-05-28 18:15 (UTC) ()
Sorry to randomly reply but I can confirm Gerard calls him Ben.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
lamentables
lamentables at 2007-06-11 20:37 (UTC) ()
Hi, I'm just waltzing in here uninvited to say how much I enjoyed reading your understanding of Fraser and how much it resonates with my perceptions (because talk about over-identification). Especially the name thing. Ignoring any canonical justifications for anything, it's quite clear to me that he wouldn't like Ben, just the way I don't like and don't recognise the equivalent contraction of my own name.

I love your thought that he lies all the time, just doesn't recognise it as such.

And I know about being repressed, idealist and unconcernedly bisexual too.
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2007-06-15 02:11 (UTC) ()
Ignoring any canonical justifications for anything, it's quite clear to me that he wouldn't like Ben, just the way I don't like and don't recognise the equivalent contraction of my own name.

I agree, and I think the fact that Gerard and Victoria both use it is an added turn-off. Maybe it's that I think he just doesn't seem like a Ben. He's not a Benny, either, but it's what Vecchio calls him and he likes it for that reason. Anyone else doing it would bother him, I'd think. Also, Benny is just a very ironic name for Fraser, who'd otherwise probably never, ever even think of it as his own.
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