You know the basic rules of Duckpin bowling.
Well, sorta. I know the basic rules of Candlepin bowling, which is the kind of bowling I first learned at like, five. Duckpin has the same scoring system.
You own garden tools from Job Lot.
D00d. I wish I did. I could use some garden tools.
You have used the expression "Not For Nuthin" or "bubbla".
Yeah, but only to mock people who actually talk like that.
You serve bread with every meal.
No, but I love bread.
You know what "3 all the way" means.
Yes, but I've actually only been to Haven Brothers a couple of times.
You load up on milk and bread before a snowstorm.
Not on purpose, but sometimes I run out of milk and/or bread before a snowstorm. Silly people.
You have a bottle of coffee syrup in the fridge right now.
Nope, I don't like the stuff. songdog does, although ironically she's never lived in RI.
You've gotten sick from eating too many clam cakes.
No, but I do like clam cakes (IIRC, patchfire likes them, too, and I'm fairly sure she's not from RI).
Your first live concert was at the Civic Center or Rocky Point.
Nope, but I've been to Rocky Point (which now looks like this) and eaten it its huge Shore Dinner Hall (which now looks like this), and I saw Gordon Lightfoot, Neil Diamond (twice) and Willie Nelson at the Warwick Musical Theatre, which was a RI landmark until it was torn down for the sake of Progress and Commerce.
You were born at Lying-In Hospital.
No, but mr_t00by was born there, after it moved and changed its name to Women and Infants Hospital. It should have changed its name to MediTech McBaby Factory. There's a word for this place, and that word is AVOID. Unless of course you have cancer. Their oncology department is one of the best. Because they're really good at actual medical stuff. Just don't have a baby there.
You still call the Rhode Island Mall the Midland Mall.
No, but I remember when it WAS the Midland Mall.
You have used a demolished landmark such as ALMACS or Finast when giving directions..
Only to describe how RI'ers give directions ("turn right after the third Dunkin' Donuts. If you get to the place where the ALMACS used to be, you've gone too far.").
You secretly watch the NBC TV show "Providence" even though you tell your friends you don't.
I've seen maybe an episode and a half. I really wanted to watch the whole thing, it but couldn't get past the fact that
You have slammed on your brakes to discourage a tailgater.
I've tapped my brakes, but never outright stopped. People DO that?
You know what a burger "The Newport Creamery Way" is.
I know what Newport Creamery is.
You have dated a girl named Brenda or a guy named Vinnie.
Not even once.
You've personally met Vinnie Paz. Um, no.
Your idea of a dream house is a raised ranch.
The only time I've lived in a raised ranch was in Massachusetts.
You have relatives who have been to Edgehill Newport, Codac, or Butler.
D00d. I work at Butler.
You've bribed your mechanic for a new inspection sticker even though your car failed to pass the safety inspection.
You have a degree from RIC, CCRI or URI.
You think vodka and Del's is a great combination.
Never heard of it, but hmm. Might be good. I mean, I like Del's by itself, and all.
You've been to Twin Oaks for your birthday.
Never been there, ever.
You know how to pronounce Pawtucket, Cowesett, Usquepaug, and Narragansett.
I should hope so, since I've lived in two of those places.
You've been to Scarborough Beach but not Block Island.
Other way around. I went to Block Island and stayed for sixteen years.
You know where "The Pier" is located.
I've lived in the Pier, dear. This one, as opposed to this one.
You like your chowda clear, not white or red. I like it white OR clear. I'm sorta mneh about red.
You put vinegar on your French fries.
Yep. I don't like French Fries much, and the vinegar helps drown out the greasy taste. But I use white vinegar as much as malt. People look at me funny.
You've been on a Bay Queen cruise.
You can recognize a Cranston accent.
The Cveeeeeanstin accent is hard to miss.
You drop the "w" in Greenwich, Kingstown, and Warwick.
Warwick has two Ws, Einstein. I only drop the second one. And I don't drop the W in Kingstown unless we're talking about Kingston, which is a RI village. North and South Kingstown are actual towns.
You use the expression "down-city" for downtown.
That's what the signs say, but I don't. I just say "Providence."
You've eaten at Haven Brothers, drunk.
HEY! Just because I've eaten at Haven Brothers is no reason to call me a drunk. I've eaten at Haven Brothers, but I was sober. Honestly, some people.
You celebrate St. Joseph's Day and know what a "zeppolla" is.
I'm not Italian, so I don't celebrate St. Joseph's Day, but I do know what a zeppolla is.
You have at least one gallon of Newport Creamery coffee ice cream in your freezer.
I'm too much of an ice cream snob (especially when it comes to coffee) for that. But I love me some chocolate Awful Awfuls, with lotsa malt.
You know what "ProJo" stands for.
You still call CCRI "reject".
Never did. I went to CCRI a long time after it topped being RIJC.
You think that "party/potty" "God/guard" "law/lore" and "hot/heart" are
examples of homonyms.
You know the original name for Airport Road.
I dunno where it is, even. Unless you mean the one on Block Island. Which I'm sure you don't. (ETA: Oh! I think it's Route 1! Probably not the original name, though)
You always start giving directions by saying, "Well, you get on 95."
Only when the directions require one to get onto 95.
You know what "John from Alpert's" sounds like.
Yeah, and I also know that Alpert's isn't even IN Rhode Island.
You refer to the movies as "the show."
No. Probably nobody under, oh, EIGHTY-FIVE does.
You know what Allie's makes.
Some of the best doughnuts on the planet, baybee.
You know what a "package store" is.
So does most of the US East Coast.
You think lots of gold jewelry looks great on the beach.
I think this person's subject and verb don't match.
Your favorite expressions are, "Are you serious?", "Wicked", and "You know what I'm saying?"
No, sorry. And, um. "Wicked" is used in MA liek, alla time.
You've thrown at least one yard sale this month.
Nope, they are way too heavy.
You know you need "quahogs" to make "stuffies".
You know there's a West End but not a West Providence.
I didn't know there was a West End.
You think banana, vanilla, and idea all end in "r".
*pauses to gag a little* No.
You put celery salt on your hotdogs.
You see turn signals or "directionals" as optional car equipment.
Only on other people's cars. I use turn signals in parking lots.
You're into Keno, Powerball and the drawin'..
No, but I do like the Crossword and Slingo scratch tickets.
When told surprising news, you answer "Geddout", or if you're female, "No Suh!"
I say "No, Suh"! like the PEOPLE FROM MASSACHUSETTS DO.
If you are going to the basement, you're going "down cellar."
My mother does. I suppose I've been known to, but only if it's not a finished basement.
Instead of eating dinner, you eat suppa.
When I was a kid I said "suppa". Now I switch off, and with more R noises.
You call spaghetti sauce "gravy."
Only to illustrate what Italians call it.
You've eaten a Wimpy Skippy on the Hill.
I'm assuming the Hill is Federal Hill. I've eaten there, but I don't know what a Wimpy Skippy is.
You know what "Leggs and Eggs" is.
Yep, but I've never been there.
You ask your mechanic to give you a state inspection sticker even though your car failed.
Haven't we been through this already?
You know that there is never any school in Fosta-Glosta when it snows.
:( I miss Salty Brine.
You've gone to Cumbie's for milk or gas.
You've eaten Johnnycakes.
Mmmmmmmmmmm. But then, I ate Johnnycakes before I ever set foot in RI, because my Gramma (born and raised on Block Island) used to make 'em.
You know someone in the mob, but won't admit it.
I really don't, but why would you believe me?
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON YOU KNOW YOU ARE A RHODE ISLANDER....
You've voted a convicted felon into office at least twice!
Nah, I never lived in Providence so I couldn't have voted for Buddy.