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Posted on 2004.19.02 at 15:22
How I feel about it all: amusedamused
Soundtrack: NPR - Fresh Air
Gacked from the lovely and talented moonlight69:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control. (You just imagined the penguins. Anyway, penguins are unnatural: they're birds, they fly underwater. Nuff said.)

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid becasue they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire counrty. That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "seperate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

ETA: Source: http://www.gatorgsa.org/gaymarriage.html


way2 at 2004-02-19 15:42 (UTC) ()
re: #12, and if we integrated the marriage laws, we would have to have forced busing of the straight married people over to the gay married people's section to even out the unequal fun tax deductions and health benefits and stuff and then the straights would find out about all the cool toys and the straight wives will go all wild and stuff, and want to watch the married gays have sex. Which might be somewhat rude.

Therefore, reason #13, Gay marriage will cause straight people to become rude.

Haha. Too late.
A pleasure to burn
peccavium at 2004-02-19 18:32 (UTC) ()


get on the fun bus, I always say.
A pleasure to burn
peccavium at 2004-02-19 18:33 (UTC) ()
Thank you for the link! Into the memories it goes.
Really Sunny
willysunny at 2004-02-19 18:54 (UTC) ()
i LOVE this!!!! thank you for this post! i'm so glad i've got you on my flist. ;)
try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
primroseburrows at 2004-02-20 06:03 (UTC) ()


:D :D
closet_geek at 2004-02-20 15:13 (UTC) ()
Oh, this is wonderful! Thanks so much.
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